Recovering from a Setback

There comes a time in our lives, when the very foundation of our existence is shaken. Like a bolt from the sky, you are struck by calamity, by catastrophe by a challenge so big that you begin to question almost everything about your own life.

Hello, this is Jonah Mungoshi, the Success Coach, on the half hour with Jonah Mungoshi. And today we are discussing Recovering from a setback.

Way back in 2008, I had a glorious consultancy assignment with an International Foundation, which was based in South Africa. I was doing regional work. And for two years, I worked on a contract that was paying me reasonably well. And at the conclusion of that contract, I was expecting to get US$96,000. Just after I submitted my invoice, catastrophe struck. Due to significant fraud that had occurred in the Foundation, the organization closed down. Worse still, because the fraud had been perpetrated by a Zimbabwean, they decided that they would not pay me what they owed me, US$96,000.

And at this point, because had been providing the service using my own resources. traveling back and forth to South Africa, I was pretty much on zero. And then catastrophe struck, I was shaken. I never knew trouble and strife like I knew during this period. I never knew what worry was until I encountered this event. To make matters worse. I had three children in school who were looking up to me for school fees. I had the usual payments that are expected of a father and a husband. And I was not able to provide for my family.

I couldn't sleep, I could hardly eat. I could not think straight. I was at my wits' end, I felt like my world was crumbling down. I felt like I had never felt before. I felt like I would never want to feel again. So, of what relevance is this to you?

Maybe as I'm talking to you right now, you're looking at your situation, and thinking that the situation is hopeless and it's getting worse. Maybe you've suffered retrenchment, you've suffered rejection. Maybe you've just emerged from a nasty divorce, whatever it is, if this applies to you, please listen.

Important Concepts

1. A setback can occur to anyone at any time.
2. It is important to allow the grief process to unfold when one encounters a setback
3. Worry and stress are caused by how we frame the situation
4. Worry exists nowhere except in your mind
5. It is important to express negative feelings instead of acting them out
6. Focusing on our state of mind is an important step for recovering from a setback

The first challenge to your recovery is your mind. You see, worry, stress doesn't exist anywhere else, except in your mind. It's not what happens to you which is the problem. It's how you frame it in your mind. And yes, I know, when the catastrophe is this big, then you feel like you have no option. There is no other way of framing it except to say this is a disaster.

So, we need to start working on the mind, the very first step we need to take is to examine our thinking. Yes, I know you need to grieve, and don't try to short circuit it. You need to feel the grief, you need to experience it. You need to express it, rather than act it out. So, if you can find a confidante, somebody whom you tell, "I am frustrated, I am scared, I am unhappy, I'm worried", then so be it.

Maybe you need a coach. Maybe you need to see a counsellor. Maybe you just need to speak to somebody who is really, really, really close to you. Grieving is important as part of the healing process. And once you go over that, you now need to work on your mind.

Step number one, remember who you are. Think of all the successes you have achieved. It's you who achieved those successes, some of them you achieved against all odds, when the situation wasn't easy, when the going was tough. You made it. You need to remind yourself of that, "I did this before. under extreme conditions, I can do it again. I am the same person, the very resources I possess, have not been taken away".

And I'm talking here about your internal resources. I'm talking of the talents that you possess, the knowledge that you have, I'm talking of the skills that you've mastered over the years. You need to remind yourself about this as a starting point.

When you work on your mind consistently tirelessly, you start that process (sometimes at a snail's pace) of recovery. Recovering from a setback is not easy, but that setback does not necessarily need to be a death sentence unless and until you allow it to be that.

In fact, your setback can be a setup for a comeback. If you want to hear more about this join me on the other side.